Celebrating Deep Friendship

I hope you enjoy this new mandala, my expression of Al-Wali, Friend, Protector, and Governor of All.  I’ve included the poem “You Were Born Together” by Kahlil Gibran which expresses our need for both deep connection and open expansiveness in true friendship.

How do you balance and hold loving someone deeply while granting them the space they need to expand?   What allows you to give your heart openly without losing yourself in the process?  How do you befriend and protect yourself, asserting your own needs, while understanding that you are responsible for meeting those needs?

2 Responses to “Celebrating Deep Friendship”

1. colleen brezny says:

   May 8, 2010 at 8:08 pm

   Julie,

   Your Mandala’s are deliciously beautiful & thoughtful
   & thought provoking. Opening to One speaks quite well to the questions you pose in this most recent piece.

   You are blessed with this great work to do….peace

   Colleen
2. Don says:

   May 12, 2010 at 2:36 pm

   Julie,

   It is interesting how life’s journeys and experiences change one’s understandings and perspectives. Such is the case for me with this writing of Gibran.

   It seems there is an unavoidable paradox and contradiction that is entered into with close loving relationships when one attempts to balance self and other. I would argue that one cannot attempt to maintain self while truly giving of themselves to the other. If they do, they step into the quagmire of trying to maintain a balance of what is needed/received versus what is given.

   Here’s where I think the contradiction lies. On the one hand we believe that we can give of ourselves without losing ourselves, yet on the other hand we believe we cannot give of ourselves completely without losing ourselves. If we are finite, then giving of ourselves in any minute way translates into a loss of ourselves. (If I have a gallon of water and give away 1 cup, I no longer have a gallon of water). The argument is mounted that by giving we receive and therefore maintain our wholeness.

   Yet, even Gibran indicates we need to hold back. He doesn’t use those words, but what is individuality but something we claim as “ours” – not to be lost or given away? So, we are then forced into attempting to maintain a balance between what we give of ourselves versus what we retain for ourselves. This is moderated and governed by our feelings (or lack of) security, benefit, or meaning. In relationship, this comfort level is rarely equal between individuals, resulting in one or both individuals feeling they are giving more than receiving.

   A common thread of some religions is that we must lose ourselves in order to gain ourselves. Only by being completely willing to give up our need for our own identity or purpose or physical well-being, do we discover and become who God created us to be. Similarly, I advocate that one must approach close, loving relationships in the same way.

   We are not a society that embraces submission. Ephesians 5:21 says “submit yourselves to one another”. I have to admit that I don’t like the word. It makes me feel unprotected, vulnerable, devalued. Yet I have found in my marriage to Cindy that such mutual submission produces great freedom, acceptance, safety, and value. We have not lost our individuality at all, yet we have created a new entity that we call “us” which we both nurture and protect equally. This was only achieved by each of us being completely vulnerable and submitting to each other – no walls, no boundaries, no witholding, no protective/preserving stances. In giving up ourselves completely the opposite happened – we lost nothing but gained so much more.